A roller coaster evening with my friends

Well, went to meet my friends and catch up with them after work. I hate last minute plans specially when chicks are involved(don't get the wrong idea) but when I hang out with friends, it is usually with my guy friends and that is for a reason. I mean seriously, guys are simple and easy.We know what we want. Give us sports, food, a drink or two and we are happy.When we talk about something, we do not make it a point to connect something totally unimportant and unrelated to us and then make the  person who said it feel like an ostrich who wants to bury his head in the sand.

 Why did I say it?

I am never going to regain my self confidence.

Truth be told, I just wanted to get a drink and relax. As it turned out, there were more colleagues than what I was told prior to the meeting and I was a bit skeptical. All I wanted was a drink , some chicken to eat irrespective of the place, with a few friends and that was it.

A drink

And some chicken.

So, I left my office and was standing in queue for a taxi when I saw a teenager all dressed up in his hip- hop attire shaking his head wildly as if he was suffering from some kind of a disease that disabled him from keeping his head in one place for more than a second.

No, he was not as  cool as snoop dog.

Nopes, not like him either.

Perfect, just two shades darker.

There you have it, just perfect.

Well, I did what I do best, I ignored his gracious and awe inspiring presence. After irritating everyone in the queue with his disgusting dance moves and off tune singing (I mean donkeys bray better than this guy sang),when a taxi actually pulled up he jumped the line and wanted to go first. He said that he was in a hurry. Hurry for what? I am sure that when you have colored your hair blue, you have piercings at god knows how many places, while sporting a plume of underpants and a t-shirt that reads “You must be blind to lose your virginity to me”, you possibly can't be going for a meeting or anyplace important as for that matter.Well he was the archetypal yo type kid who used the word fuck twice before boarding the taxi. As I awaited my turn, I could see that people around were looking at him with an expression of good riddance on their faces. Which got me thinking. I know I am no angel myself but there are  some values that my folks instilled in me and I am thankful to them for that.The basics really:

1)Do not jump the queue.

2)Offer  your seat to an elderly person or to a lady.

3)Do not argue with your elders even when you know they are wrong.
4)Give your opinion only when asked for and if it is absolutely necessary.

Anyways, as I waited on the station platform for the train, I started to go down memory lane.

Just wandering in the Memory lane .

I was going to meet my friends at Colaba where my DAD used to go to office. My respect for my DAD grew at least a thousand times that day when I realized the work that he has been doing day in and day out for the last thirty five years.I always had fights with my DAD but deep down I always knew he was right. Still do. My train of thought came to a screeching halt and I was jolted back to reality when I saw people getting into the train. Looking at them reminded me of  the water flowing  from a dam once the floodgates are opened.The train enters the station and the people start rushing in.

As usual, my cash reserves were depleted and needed an urgent refilling, so I went to the nearest ATM(Thanks to a friend, I can now operate even the most complicated ATMs) and I had to stand in queue once again.

 Again, there was a yo kid behind me who was in a hurry.Only difference was this time he was with his friends. As there was a big queue and I had nothing better to do, I couldn't help but overhear some of the exploits that these kids had accomplished.The conversation changed to "What do you want to be when you complete your college. And out of the five people one was undecided , the rest of them wanted to be famous.When did becoming famous be a career option . I realized my dreams late in life when the rest of my peers are well settled but I have a job and I am still pursuing my dream.

These dogs have more talent and determination than those yo kids.

Nowadays any corpulent loser with a video camera and an I.Q. that straddles the line between mentally deficient and village idiot can achieve overnight fame by launching fireworks out of their behind, waving the   finger at the airport or doing stupid things at places of high security or by railing against the injustice of being blocked or  reported on the Facebook.

I made a call to my friend to inquire where he would meet me.I boarded a taxi and one look at my I touch  applications again got me wondering.

Why do the wussies at the fruit company come up with complicated applications ?

Temprature , humidity, etcetera  in farenheit , Celsius, Currency converter,and so on. I am sorry but I do not need to know this.Why not come up with applications that are actually useful?
I have a few suggestions:
Application number 1
1)Will it rain today or not?/Do I need to take my sweater with me today?

See, I wont get wet if I know.

Application number 2
2)Tip calculator(Useful in restaurants )
You enter a number(your bill)
You get three options
(a)-good(if everything was good , you press(a) after entering the amount and it gives you the tip that should be left.10% of the actual bill)
(b)-average(This  can be 5%)
(c)-horrible(It displays  abusive language, and some sarcastic and insulting lines that can be used on the management)(Have two friends who can help with the abuses and the sarcasm).

Application number 3
Order Translator
Use: Decoding the supervisors orders
Takes in the supervisors orders and translates it to something that I could understand.
Seriously, this would be a life saver because ninety nine percent of the time I end up doing something totally different than what I have been asked to do.

Coming back to the evening. I reached the destination after calling my friends umpteen number of times.Finally met them and accompanied them .Well, had a cigarette with my friend and waited for the chicks to arrive from their shopping. They came late, Cinderella got pissed and made a big deal out of it. As usual, I was lost in my train of thought and paid little attention to Cinderella.What amazed me is that Cinderella knew five chicks went shopping together in the city's shopping paradise and he expected them to come back in time.Good thing that Cinderella learnt the importance of shopping to the opposite sex so early in his life.

I wonder which one  is  my friend?

Thankfully, had a good friend  to keep me company who took us to his old college at Charni Road.Also had Pani Puri after aligting the train.

Awesumo.

Cinderella was still behaving like a woman in menopause.Thankfully Cinderella was not complaining about cramps else I would have mercilessly teased him about having menstrual cramps.

Yes , he was displaying all of the symptoms.

Don't get me wrong , Cinderella is not gay. No, I respect gays, they know what they are and have an undeniably good fashion sense. Cinderella has a great sense of humor, provided of course that the joke is not at his expense. If it is....he seems to get rather tetchy. Anyways Cinderella is a big girl who will be having his coming out party anytime soon.

See, he is still confused.To come out or not to come out.

                                               Come on Hamletta, take a decision.(Female version of hamlet)

Coming back to the evening, we had an awesome shake at Bachelors which thankfully cured Cinderella of his malady and he was back to his awesome self once again. Afterwards, we started walking in  the by-lanes of Charni Road with the Chowpatty beach to our left hand side.We were all going towards Wilson College.One of my friends graduated from this college,so this college brought back bittersweet memories. He was very well acquainted with the area, and actually knew all the awesome places to hang out, to eat, to drink, well in short he knew the entire area like the back of his hand.We went to a place called New York and had some drinks. Spoke about football, Beckham, and life in general .The starters were great. After the fine dining experience, had mind blowing Kulfi and a walk on the beach. This is the main reason I like hanging out with my friends.Time just flies.

That's about it.
And yes, mission accomplished
1)Had a great time with my friends.
2) Got to drink.

P.S.: My good friend  wanted to reach home before 12:00, and so he was aptly named Cinderella.

Resurgence

Well, I am back.

Yes this is the hand that I use to um ...never mind.

 It has been two weeks since I started working in my new company supposed to be one of the big four in the entire world.

Yeah right, I am a dunce working in the big four.

Should make me feel really proud that I got an opportunity to work here but the point is it is all pointless. How someone can draw boundaries to make themselves feel better is really astonishing but if we are just a minuscule part of the universe then how can we talk about the big four and stuff like that?

Guess that’s how the cookie crumbles. All my life I thought that I wanted to be someone big as in powerful and influential.

Yes, I wanted to be a President.

Instead this is what I am .

A wannabe superhero that no one takes seriously(Myself included).

 I still want to be all powerful and influential but somewhere down the line I feel like I have lost my innate ability to take decisions for myself and stick by them.(I was fickle minded from the start and kept on changing who I wanted to be) When I was in school, I wanted to be like  Roy Keane,

Captain courageous .

Someone who does what he wants and does not give a fuck about what others think.

In college I wanted to be like him:

Yes I wanted to be Imran Hashmi

Yes, I am shallow but I am not scared to admit it.

Truth be told, I do look like Jack Black and not Brad Pitt.

I realized that it is my inability to take chances thrown at me as opportunities and move forward. I have always been the kind of person who leaves everything to the last minute. I have the gift to make excuses on the fly and execute them in an unparalleled manner.

Hmm,  looks like they have been borrowing my excuses.

 I start digging a well when my beard is on fire.

Yup, time to start digging.

I guess it is because I believe worrying does not help ,worrying is like a rocking chair which keeps you in a fixed loop, you just keep going back and forth, back and forth.

I have not sat on one for years now.

 Well, things have changed now and I will have to be consistent. Why? For starters I do not have an option, and this time it is not my beard but my ass that is on fire, so….

Should not have mixed everything while dining. (DALDAL)

Guess what, I  finally  gave in to conformity, and it’s time to pull up my socks and be a rat again .

No, not a love rat.

A rat in the rat race.This time I need to be a super rat.

That's what I am talking about.

 (seems like college all over again).

Ha ha ha .

I have always marveled at my ability to blend in with people and adapt to the situation , as I believed that if one is not busy being born, he is busy dying. The fact is I have changed myself to fit into the situation so many times that I do not remember who I am?I feel I am like  a chameleon sometimes.

What were my favorite things, what made me happy, nothing? That part of my life seems to be a clean slate.

Work in progress .....

What surprises me even more is” How I have changed”. In school, I remember myself as the shy, introverted bumbling nerd who could not fend for himself .

Just looking at the picture brings images of donuts and pepsi which used to be my staple diet in school.

In Junior college, I was the fat guy who lived to eat and was always nervous about what would happen next.

This used to be a starter for me.

I guess I suffered from the worrying disease.

In Engineering, I was the guy who just had a wooden face and had the ability to spoil the mood of even the most patient teachers (Still believe irritating people is fun).

Hey, my face was not this wooden, I sometimes had expressions on it.

Had a short temper and  would always be on the look out to vent all my frustrations on someone.

Man , this guy looks just like me
Bad hairstyle, lop sided glasses and a constipated expression on the face.

A very valuable lesson that I have learnt in my life is not to care about what other people think of me as long as I am happy.(usually I end up irritating people)

Common expression of people around me.

Yes I can irritate people of all ages.

Guess being an editor had its downside as I stopped reading books completely as I was too bored to read. I was starting to get too comfortable at my old job. Well, the new place has people working day in and day out just to meet their targets. On the upside, it will make me realize how far I can go to achieve my targets and reach my full potential. How to talk to people in different situations , how to keep a poker face even in the worst of situations . In short how to be a thorough professional(I prefer to call myself a corporate whore in the making but more on that later). On the downside, I will lose my individuality and as always blend in with the rest .The new crowd is extremely professional who think ten times before they even speak a word.  Will be a bit difficult for someone like me who suffers from constipation of brain and diarrhea of mouth. It just hit me that “Your Individuality is like your virginity, you cannot hold on to it forever”.

Are you a virgin?

Keep changing  everyday .(I meant you and not your underpants, although you do need to change that too).

WOW, One for every day of the week.

One thing that I still don't understand is why people put up with me. I mean seriously, sometimes I can be  a real pain in the butt and why my friends still bear with me despite my stupid, illogical,nonsensical ,and utterly baseless jokes is behind the scope of my comprehension.( In my defense, I saw too many Govinda movies when I was a kid which seems to have left me demented)

Adios for now, got to go and prepare for the “RAT “race.

As usual , I am sitting on the bottom rung reading PL#$#$Y.

Working here makes this company looks like working in this company a piece of cake.

Would be a bloody miracle if I could survive an entire year in this new company.